By Sabrina Lott
Facing your fears is really not as easy as everyone says it should be. It takes a lot to look into the mouth of the lion and leap, not worrying about where you are landing or what you’re going to find on the other side.
I’ve done it many times in my life and feel like I should be better at it by now. But walking into this situation as a 42-year-old woman, I felt the same fears that I would have felt in my twenties and I don’t know how to shake it.
But maybe I’m not meant to shake it. Maybe the fear keeps me humble and realistic and keeps my eyes open to the good and the bad that can happen. If I were more confident, maybe I wouldn’t appreciate everything that I have experienced. If I felt more entitled, it wouldn’t be such an honor and a privilege.
My expectations for Dream Run Camp really were low because the little girl inside of me was afraid that I wouldn’t fit in. I knew Matt would do his best. I knew I would get opportunities to learn from him in the group setting or in our one-on-ones, but I really thought I would be a fly on the wall observing. Yes, he told me that I would have the opportunity to fold into the routine of the other athletes, but I don’t fold easily, lol, so I honestly never saw that happening.
I am lucky to have arrived with the cohort that I walked into. Call it divine intervention, call it whatever you want, but I am blessed to have been in the right place at the right time to experience these amazing souls. The timing of my trip was random. It was difficult to find the perfect week that fit all of the schedules around me and would get me here to train before the Every Woman’s Marathon. I didn’t know that I would meet athletes training for Berlin, Chicago, and Twin Cities. I didn’t know that I would meet an athlete just weeks away from her next 100-mile challenge. I didn’t know that the weather would be absolutely perfect, and while I was not getting nearly enough sleep, that still wasn’t enough to keep me in bed and miss out on driving to a new location for a group workout.
More than anything, I want to make sure every athlete realizes that there truly is a place here for them. We all have our fears. Matt has reminded me more than once that he was nervous when he trained with the NAZ elites, but that didn’t stop him from showing up. I want to tell the me of a month ago, and any athlete who fears they do not measure up, that there is a place for you at DRC. We are all athletes. We have that joy, torture, dedication, or whatever you call it, in common. Stepping into a strange situation might be exactly what you need to pull out the fighter that has been hiding inside you. You get to be whoever you want to be when you walk into a home filled with strangers. These people only get to know the sides of you that you choose to show. As you’re here longer, you might choose to show more and more. As you listen to the stories around you, you may remember pieces of you that you’ve long since hidden away, and now want to reacquaint yourself with. That’s what happened to me. More than once, a question was posed to me this week that allowed me to go back and retrieve that memory from a shelf long buried by decades of dust. If I was not out on a dark, evening walk with Matt and Tony, would I have remembered that my very first writing workshop was in elementary school and I’ve always had a writer inside of me?
I told Tony that I had a problem. Since I was accepted as the Coaches of Color Initiative apprentice, I keep putting these desires, dreams, and smallest wishes out there, and someone keeps stepping up to show me how I can actually have it. “And then what?” Tony was right when he said it sounded like a good problem to have. It’s a blessing and a curse, right? Because now I have no excuse not to go after my truest desires. Matt has reminded me more than once that the program cannot give me what I want or teach me what I want to learn if I don’t tell them, and he’s right. It’s been a reminder to tell my athletes and future athletes that they too need to be comfortable asking for what they want. Or at least be open to sitting down and thinking about it. I need to allow it to be a reminder to me to practice what I preach. Stop limiting myself. Stop putting up the bumpers before I even throw a ball down the lane. I don’t know what I can do until I try and I keep letting the fear hold me back. Is it fear of embarrassment? Disappointment? Who knows? Disappointment isn’t going to stop my kids from eating, so why is it really such a bad thing anyway?
If honestly facing and sharing my fears can help one more aspiring athlete take the leap and book a stay at DRC, it was worth it. I hope that you open your heart, as well as your lungs and legs, to the possibility of chasing down a dream you’re only just now brave enough to voice out loud. My wish for all of us athletes who don’t always feel like the sport is set up for our success is that we can shake off the fears that weigh us down and run with our heads high and our hearts light. When you need help facing those fears, speak up. There are plenty of us coaches and athletes who want to help you fly!
