By Sabrina Lott
No one has treated me like the imposter that I feel like yet I can’t shake the feeling. I feel like the pheromones of my fear are a bright yellow cloud circling me and everyone can see it, like the bright racing shirt that I wear to protect me from drivers on the road. I know that it’s just me. It’s amazing to me that everyone at Dream Run Camp has been so welcoming. Traveling here, my inner mean girl was the voice of my younger self. While she counted off my limited running and racing experiences, my curvy build, my advanced age and all of the things that often make me a token in social environments, I questioned whether leaving my family behind was really worth the experience and training I was hoping to receive.
The reality is, no one cares what speed you run unless they’re asking to join you for the workout and want to make sure you’re not going to kill them. I’m so used to feeling the opposite. When Skylar asked my speed while traveling down the highway in the Dream Machine, the fears that I normally feel all came bubbling up. She said her target speed was anywhere from 10 minutes to a walk. I laughed and said “hey, that’s my speed” and she laughed with me, not at me.
When we arrived at our drop point along Lake Mary Road, the group took off for our ‘warm ups.’ Skylar asked if I minded having company for the warm up yet ended up staying with me the entire time. It was so much more enjoyable for me to share the workout with someone. She ran all of my intervals, appreciating the walk breaks because her legs were sore from her long run the previous day. Her long run was no ‘normal’ long run either. She had accompanied Matt for the Javalina Jundred preview, commenting on how fast he was even on his ‘walk’ breaks.
When we met up with Matt for a hydration stop, it was another welcomed walk break and we genuinely just appreciated the workout together. By the end of the workout, I learned that she has a track background and misses the team environment and workouts. I have no team running background and welcome the opportunities to workout with someone else, share in their experiences, learn from them and get to know another amazing human being. As Matt says, when we arrive at DRC, the majority of us have nothing in common other than running. Sue and Skylar are amazing human beings that I would not have met any other way than arriving at Dream Run Camp at precisely the right time. Matt doesn’t pre-arrange the housing assignments based on personalities or running experience. The three of us are training for vastly different races so it’s not like we even have that in common to bring us together at a live event. Yet I learned enough about them in my first 24 hours to open my eyes in ways I couldn’t anticipate.
Every workout has been different for me as I’m acclimating to the change of scenery. The locations are picked based on the longer run needs of the athletes. One athlete needs paved road. Another needs a good location for speed intervals. I just need open space and to know whether I can put miles on my trail shoes or if I should bring road shoes. The scenery at each location has been priceless. I want to get lost in the trees, enjoying the peace and tranquility, push myself to go further and shake the nerves. I can see why so many athletes come to Flagstaff to train. I may not be here long enough to truly reap the training benefits of altitude but from my first day I knew I would be here long enough to reap the training benefits as a coach. Matt is great at giving me positive feedback when he sees a trait in me that will help me be a better coach, as well as giving me a look when I’m being hard on myself. More than once he has told me that I have earned everything that I have received. None of it has been a hand out. For me, that is massive. I want to feel like I belong here. That I’ve earned my seat at the table. Nothing has been handed to me out of pity, responsibility or to check a box. My reflex is always to give back and to pay it forward. I know that every token of what I receive at DRC will be passed along to so many other people. The ripple effect of what I learn as a Coaches of Color Initiative apprentice and a dreamer at DRC will be massive if I have anything to say about it.
